I’m not even going to pretend like I don’t know how time flew by this fast. With two older kids, company and a newborn around, I know life has been a little busy since Christmas. And now, our little boy Isaac is one month old.

I have spent this month trying to soak up and memorize the little squeaks and murmurs a newborn baby makes. The feeling of his tiny head on my chest. The way babies stretch, arching their backs and sticking their bums out. The sound of a newborn’s cry. The faces he makes when he’s rooting (reminds me of a baby bird). The way he clasps his hands together while nursing.

I love this newborn phase so very much. So helpless and innocent, with very simple needs: hold me, feed me, change me and let me sleep. It is simple work, but it isn’t easy. It is hard to get up at all hours of the night. I lean my head against the headboard and close my eyes, thinking, I so wish I was still sleeping. But after a few minutes, I look down at my sweet little baby who just needs me: his eyes closed, his hands clasped, nursing fervently, making little squeaks and murmurs — and I know that it’s worth it. I will sleep again someday, but now is the time I have a newborn baby, and that doesn’t last long.

I have been wrestling the clock all month, trying so hard to stop time, to keep Isaac little. To keep Ezra a toddler. To keep Eva a 5-year-old. To just freeze moments so I can walk around in them, feel their warm breeze on my face, and drink them in. It hasn’t been working. Time moves on, pulling me with my heels dug into the ground. My babies keep growing, Eva and Ezra are proof of that.

It has been a sweet month, full of challenges and full of joys. I looked at Peter on Sunday as we sat on opposite ends of the couches with our three children in between us. I smiled and said, “Look at how we’ve multiplied.” I think back to us meeting for the first time, it is so funny, amazing and beautiful to compare it to who we are now, and who else is now with us.

I love you, sweet Isaac. When you are older and you read this, don’t feel bad for growing up on me. I know you can’t help it. Just know that I truly treasure you and your brother and sister. There may be moments where you don’t feel treasured in the midst of stress and chaos and I apologize in advance for those. As I write this, it is so hard to imagine that you might ever drive me crazy or that I might ever sin against you. But I know from experience, that’s just life. These things happen. Above all else, I deeply love and cherish you, and I’m so thankful for you. I wonder where God is going to take us all from here.

I was pretty nervous about what it be like to be outnumbered. I was also nervous about having two under two. Life felt so busy just with two, what would three be like?

I remember after Ezra was born just feeling like I was spinning in circles for a while. I’d start a task, someone would need something, someone else would need something, the phone would ring, someone would need something else and then I’d think, okay, what was I doing again?

We’ve been on our own for a week now, and I’ve had three evenings where Peter has had meetings and I’ve been on my own for bedtime. I haven’t felt that same feeling of being overwhelmed, thankfully. Not yet, anyway. I’m sure there will be days, and I’m sure it will change as Isaac gets older. I think I’m pretty used to having my days so busy with kids and full of household tasks, that adding Isaac in doesn’t change a whole bunch.

It isn’t always easy to give everyone all the attention they want, but Eva and Ezra have been pretty good. They definitely have been fighting a lot more over toys and just generally bugging one another, but who knows if that is them acting out because of a new baby or just acting their age. Maybe a bit of both, but that kind of behaviour is just to be expected at this point. I do find myself with a bit shorter of a fuse and it does feel like I’m constantly saying “No! Don’t! Stop!” to Eva and Ezra, but I’m trying to make up for it by having special one-on-one time with them when I can, even if just for a few minutes.

I love mothering with experience under my belt. When it was just Eva, everything overwhelmed me and I didn’t know what I should do. Her first year seemed really long, because I didn’t understand that phases come and go fairly quickly, even if they feel like they will last forever at the time. Now that I’m taking care of my third newborn, I’m not as uptight and just do what works for my family without worrying too much about the opinions of “experts” (that includes other more-seasoned mothers).

It helps that the Es love little I also. Ezra is always saying “hi bay-ee!” or “hi eyes-ih (Isaac)!” in a really high pitched voice. Everything Isaac does makes Ezra smile or giggle. The only time it’s been hard with them is if I’m nursing right after nap when Ezra wants to cuddle.

And Eva just loves being Isaac’s big sister. She has decided she is going to marry Isaac now instead of Ezra, partly because Isaac is so cute and partly because Ezra said no (he said yes to Mama though). She loves looking at his little fingers and toes and the little finger- and toenails. She always says, “Isaac is just so cute!” or “Isaac is just so cute, I can’t even handle it!”.

Going from one to two and two to three, before the new baby comes you just can’t even imagine your family being any different, can’t imagine that your heart can grow and stretch and that there could be anymore room for anyone else. But it really does, and after a while, you just can’t imagine life without that little person.

So, lots of you already know we’ve had quite the round of sickness at our house recently. It started at the beginning of December with an ear infection for Eva. Antibiotics. Then at Christmas we noticed she couldn’t really hear and was complaining about a sore ear, but in a different way than when it was infected. Of course, we were a bit busy with having a baby and all so we took her back to the doctor. More antibiotics. Giving her more antibiotics didn’t seem right to me, especially since she was just on them and it also didn’t clear anything up with her hearing so we made an appointment with our family doctor.

Meanwhile, Isaac has jaundice so I go to the hospital for that and had several midwife visits.

So, our doctor had us give Eva ear drops to soften a wax build up that was blocking her view of the ear drum. Good ole walk-in doctor didn’t say anything about that. Just saw some redness in one ear and automatically hands out antibiotics. Our family doctor explained that redness doesn’t always mean infection, and that Eva likely has a fluid build-up in her ears that is pressing on the ear drum and that’s why she can’t hear. We go home and give them to her every night and during that time, Ezra starts showing signs of pink eye. He also has a fever and a cold so we suspect it is from a virus (as per google) and don’t rush him to the doctor right away. At this point, I honestly couldn’t handle another doctor visit anyway!

Then, my throat starts hurting and I’m coughing. Two days later, my throat feels better, still coughing, but now Peter is really sick with a sore throat and fever and chills and he ends up on antibiotics. He’s sleeping more than me during the day and I’m up at night with a newborn! Good thing we have extra hands at this point, we still had Grandparents around. Ezra’s eyes clear up but he is still coughing and has a constantly running nose.

Then, Eva starts coughing, her eyes are red and she has a fever. Had a follow up appointment with the family doctor and she’s being sent for a hearing test and to have her inner ear tube checked for fluid build-up. Hope they call soon, last time she had a hearing test it took a couple months before she had her appointment. No pink eye though, and no throat infection. Yet, I think.

So now, Eva and Ezra are coughing like CRAZY. Barking, really. And fevers. And other unpleasantries that I won’t mention. Peter’s better from his throat infection and I was feeling pretty good for a couple days. I feel like I’m starting to cough again too, so either they have a different strain of cold than I had before (is that possible?) or I am being driven mad by being trapped in a house with two constantly coughing little people that I am mimicking them?

Also, I just need to comment on how sad it is that Eva can’t hear us. Lots of times she just pretends like she hears us and she responds to us in ways that are totally out of context by saying things like “really?” or just nodding. It is also really hard to say things loudly but still sound nice. I feel like I’m yelling at her all the time!

So, if you haven’t already drawn the conclusion, I am very ready for everyone to be healthy and back to normal. Isaac has managed to stay healthy, must be all the breastmilk. At this point, I’m honestly ready to start pumping and serving it to all of us.

At first I was following a suggestion list but soon decided just to document family life. How awesome would it be at the end of the year to have an album of little moments from each day? I’m hoping to accomplish that this year, and without the pressure of having professional quality photos, which is what has caused me to quit my 365s in the past.

I am going to start sharing them here on my blog, probably once a week. Since this is the first time from the beginning of January, there will about three weeks worth!

January 1, 2012 – so happy to hold my little guy after a night under the lights at Peter Lougheed Center

January 2, 2012 – Peter wanted to bring me breakfast in bed but I had to nurse so it was breakfast in the living room.

January 3, 2012 – Something I adore: Lindors!

January 4, 2012 – Letterbox

January 5, 2012 – Something I wore: bridesmaid’s dress from Kelli’s wedding.

January 6, 2012 – Thumbsucker!

January 7, 2012 – My favourite Christmas gift.

January 8, 2012 – Had a sore throat the night before, now I feel really terrible. Mint tea and off to bed!

January 9, 2012 – Life is good when sister is away and you have your train and 15 cars.

January 10, 2012 – Isaac had a mini photo shoot!

January 11, 2012 – played a “Go Fish” board game with Eva.

January 12, 2012 – Isaac has gained an ounce a day and is finally up over his birth weight… by one ounce! He is now on track for healthy weight gain.

January 13, 2012 – Messy french braid… The way it should be when you’re five.

January 14, 2012 – Driving me crazy today with his whining and clingy-ness… Good thing he’s cute!

January 15, 2012 – Isaac and Grandma. She leaves in three days. :(

January 16, 2012 – Your word.

January 17, 2012 – Baby boy was circumcised today. Gonna need some extra cuddles over the next few days.

January 18, 2012 – snuggles with Grandpa Kerry before they left us!

January 19, 2012 – Tangled puzzle with Eva while boys nap.

January 20, 2012 – just want to bottle up this moment! Love the feeling of your newborn baby sleeping on your chest.

Fun, right? I think I’ll post every Saturday from now on.

Have a good weekend!

(sorry, mom, I only had one photo of you on my phone!)

Thank you grandparents for coming! We appreciate your time and efforts so much and it has meant so much to us to have you here.

I was not looking forward to being on our own, especially with everyone being so sick, but the first day and a half has gone pretty well. I’m probably going to become best friends with coffee now. And my house might just be messy. Messy, but full of love, my friends. And probably some yelling too ;)

Some lovely people have offered to make us meals and have brought us gifts and offered their help. I hope they meant it because I intend to take them up on their offer this time around. No martyrdom here. My friend Rebecca has also arranged for people to bring us meals. 4 meals a week for the next three weeks. This is amazing.

So we are on our own but not really. We are surrounded by lovely, caring people who want to help us get on our feet as a family of five. We love and appreciate you all so much and promise to pay it forward when we aren’t so “in the trenches” ourselves!

This video has been all over Facebook this past week and I really was moved by it myself. You should check it out.

I also found this article that goes along with the video be quite interesting. Make sure you read that too.

Isaac’s weight has been all over the place since he was born. As I mentioned before, he lost 12% of his birth weight by New Year’s Eve, just 5 days old. I thought I’d record his weights since birth, probably mostly for my own interest and record-keeping, but in case anyone else was interested too.

Birth Weight – 3760g/8lbs 5oz
Dec 31 – 3312g/7lbs 5oz
Jan 1 – 3378g/7lbs 7oz
Jan 3- 3355g/7lbs 6oz
Jan 6 – 3550g/7lbs 13oz
Jan 12 – 3790g/8lbs 6oz

At his last check up on Thursday, the 12th, my midwife said he’s on track for healthy weight gain and unless any concerns arise, Isaac doesn’t need to see the midwives until his 6 week (and final, sniff) check up.

I can’t believe that my time is almost up again with the midwives. This pregnancy seemed to go by so quickly, I feel like I kind of missed it! I guess that happens the more kids you have, you have less time to float around in pregnant bliss. After Ezra was born and I had my last check up with the midwives, I told them that I was going to miss seeing them all the time! They said, “Well, you’ll have to have another baby!” Even though I knew then that we’d try for a third baby at some point, no one is ready to really think about it at 6 weeks post-partum! I said, “Ahh, I was thinking maybe we’d just go for coffee!”

This time, it’s uncertain whether we will try for more children or if we are done so I feel a certain sadness over these potentially “last” appointments. Everything feels like a goodbye and a door closing and I’m just not sure I’m ready for it.

Isaac plumping up.

I went to get Eva from school today. When I took that first shocked glance out the window this morning, I never would’ve guessed that I’d see blue sky and sunshine by the afternoon.

Nana stayed home with the napping boys while I went out. It felt so good to have those 15 minutes to myself on the way to the school. I picked up a gingerbread latte and savored the sunshine, blue sky, country roads and wide open spaces. For 15 minutes I didn’t have to think about nursing, schedules, tantrums or diapers. I was just a girl on the road in my… mini-van. Haha, oh well.

Eva had a great first day back to school and we had a lovely little chat on the way home. And we got to see this cute face when we got there:

And these cute toes:

And Ezra too.

And after all that goodness, I happily took down the Christmas tree.

I’ve been subtly hinting to Peter for a few days about wanting to take the tree down by saying things like, “Ohhh I wish someone would take that tree down!” or “Uggghhhh, I wish the tree was taken down!” or “I want that tree gone!”. But we’ve both been a little busy, I guess.

I do have a couple goals for this year though. The first is the one mentioned above, and one way I’m doing that is through signing up for the One Year Bible Plan on the YouVersion app on my iPhone. My friend, Kelli, and I are reading it together. (We have also done the Bible in 90 Days plan and a Beth Moore study together. It is so nice to have someone to help keep you accountable and to have discussions with!)

Secondly, I plan to have a super boring year. No overseas trips, no crazy busy summer, and working very little. Lots of family time and regular, fun kid stuff. It’s gonna be a “boring” year and it’s gonna be awesome.

Thirdly, a major goal of mine for this year is to put all of my photos into photo books and also make up all three kids first year photo books. This literally might take me all year, but I am determined to accomplish it. I also plan to take more pictures of our day-to-day family life. I know now that we have three kids there are supposed to be less and less pictures (and already, I totally see how that happens!) but I feel the need to fight against the phenomenon and try to take as many pictures as possible. Maybe not the best, perfect images, but still something. Even if it’s just the iPhone camera. Oh, and blogging lots too. I recently read through a bunch of old posts from Eva’s first year and I loved it so much. I love how this blog is a record of our lives and I love being able to look back and see where we’ve come from. I may need to make a blog-to-book photo book too :)

So there you have it. Three goals for my new year: walking closely with God, having an awesomely “boring” year, and documenting life digitally and in print.

“When Enoch was 65 years old, he became the father of Methuselah. After the birth of Methuselah, Enoch lived in close fellowship with God for another 300 years, and he had other sons and daughters. Enoch lived 365 years, walking in close fellowship with God. Then one day he disappeared, because God took him.” (Genesis 5:21-24 NLT)

I don’t know about you, but if at the end of my life all they say about me is that I walked in close fellowship with God, that’d be just fine.

This year I am not striving for a story like Moses or like Noah, or any of the other big name folks from the bible. If God wills that my story turn into something big for Him, that’s fine, but I’m simply seeking close fellowship with Him, that’s it.

Happy New Year! Here’s to living an Enoch life :)

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (Matthew 6:33 NLT)