Happy New Year, Friends!
Did any of you make new years resolutions?
I made one little one, and to be honest, I haven’t been doing well with it yet. Since we were away for holidays and then had company the whole first week of being home in January, I keep telling myself it is okay that I haven’t started yet. It’s okay that I haven’t even really thought about it yet.
I read Ann Voskamp’s post on new years resolutions and I definitely resonated with what she wrote about the fear that follows the hope of a new year. For me, that fear does not just come with the new year, it rears its ugly head any time I try to make a change in my life. What if I can’t do it? What if I can never change? What if I am so stuck in my ways?
Beth Moore in her Living Beyond Yourself study, says that with God, we can be different. You know the verse “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13)? What Beth Moore says in the second session of the Living Beyond Yourself study deepens this verse’s meaning for me. She says that “through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can… do things I couldn’t, feel things I didn’t, know things I wouldn’t.”
Through the Holy Spirit, who was given to us through Christ, we can be different. We can be different than we are! We can do things that we couldn’t do, we can feel things that we don’t feel, and we can know things that we don’t know!
Sometimes it is hard to remember all the ways that God has already changed me. It is easy to be hard on the current version of me and not allow myself any grace. I must be perfect. Right now. Always. How quickly I forget that God has been working on me for years now and slowly but surely took me from being a teen struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, disordered eating, self-injury and severe insecurities to someone who finds peace in Him, who strives to be better and more like Him each day (even though I fail each day in different little ways). I deal with my emotions and my pain in a much healthier way and have more confidence in myself. I still have a long way to go, but I am radically different than I was seven years ago when I first began my relationship with God.
I am right though. I cannot change. But I can be changed. I already have the proof that God can change me, that I can be different. I think that the fear that follows the hope is not from God. I must pour out my fears before the Lord and trust in Him to change me, for He is the only thing that ever has.