It was a great morning out. I am a part of a Moms and Tots group that meets every Wednesday, with childcare. What a gift to us moms. I had many good discussions today, and was happy I went despite the work that I have hanging over my head for my business, and the mess the house is always left in when we go out in the morning.
Ezra fell asleep in the car on the way home, which was fine, except that he woke up when we arrived home. That part was not fine, as I had been planning to work all afternoon and was looking forward to the break (he clung to me during the whole moms group). Then, yet again, the two packages that I am anxiously waiting for were still not in my mailbox. The mess that greeted me at home was daunting. Then I started thinking about not only the work I have to do today, but over the next couple weeks. It has been so hard to work from home now that I have two kids. There are never enough hours in the day. My husband is a Youth Minister and is in a very busy season right now too, so that doesn’t help. I started thinking about how the house has been a mess for weeks (besides general tidying) and how I don’t know when I will ever vacuum again. Or do the laundry. Or take out the garbage and recycling today so that we don’t miss it again tomorrow. Or make supper tonight. Or even make lunch, which needed to be done right that very moment. Somehow it went from being a good morning to me feeling like opening a can of soup was too much to bear.
It is so hard to press on in these moments and do even the minimal that needs to get done. It is so hard to feel the joy and purpose of motherhood when I am feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I wanted to run and hide!
What do you do when you feel this way?
This is what I did:
– sent up a feeble little prayer, “Please, God, help me.”
– texted my husband to let him know that I was overwhelmed to the point of tears so he could be sensitive to it when he arrives home later today
– told myself over and over that it is okay that the housework doesn’t get done, it’s even okay if my clients have to wait another day, my children are the most important and I cannot let my inner feelings affect them negatively (a.k.a., be patient, have mercy, be loving… it’s not their problem!)
– ate lunch
– hugged my children and tried to have a special moment with them to focus on what really matters
I feel a little better.
And now, Ezra is sleeping. Eva is quietly practicing cutting with scissors and writing her letters. I am writing, and letting my feelings go out to all my sisters out there who have shown me so much love and support. And I feel a little better.
Please share in the comments what you do when you feel overwhelmed.