Why You Are Amazing

I’m a perfectionist, did you know that?

I didn’t.

I really didn’t.

I mean, I knew that I had high standards and high expectations on others and myself, but I honestly thought that those standards were really just the standard.  And I wasn’t making the cut because I thought that perfectionists were people who actually just did everything perfectly, but that’s not true.  Perfectionists are also people like me who find an ideal and try to bend and shape themselves into it, even if (no matter how hard they try) they don’t fit.

I can’t tell you how much I’ve beaten myself and pushed myself to tears over trying to, quite simply, be someone else.

I do it all the time.  Innocently, I have an idea.  Could be for ministry (like moms and tots or a women’s book club), a blog (Inspired Mama or simply blogging my family life), photography, motherhood, wife-hood or even for my own spirituality.  Then I google something or read something or somehow find something that is intended to encourage me along in my task.  Suddenly, I find myself searching for every little detail available online for “how to do {insert task here}” and find myself bombarded with ideas like “how to write the perfect title so everyone will read your post”, “how to insert the perfect keywords so that people will find your blog on google”, “how to write and market your ebook”, so on and so forth that I can’t even think straight anymore.

I do it all. the. time.

Do you know what happens when I do that?  I overwhelm myself with so many good ideas that it makes me feel like a tiny little piece of crap — good for nothing.  It overwhelms to me the point where I can’t even do the basic anymore, suddenly I’m aware of so many better ways to do “it” that I can’t even do “it” at all.

What this all boils down to, is that I’ve never believed that they way that I am is good enough.  Peter always says things to me that are basically along the lines of “who cares what other people are doing or how much they can handle, they aren’t you“.

My response in my head?  “Yes, but I’m not good enough.”

And I have really believed it.

Now, I’m not writing all this to have you comment and tell me how awesome you think I am (though, I’m not gonna stop you if you want to!).  I’m writing this because I’m worried that many of you feel the same way about yourselves.  I’m worried that so many of us think so little of ourselves that we are trying to hard to make ourselves into something we just aren’t.  After reading Holley’s book, I realized that it is okay to be me.  I am okay.  The way I do things is okay.  If I can’t make my own yogurt, homemade bread, kombucha and can’t get my kids to eat kale chips and drink raw milk, it’s okay.  If I can’t write a New York Times Bestselling book, it’s okay.  If I can’t juggle a home office and taking care of three kids at the same time, that’s okay.  If I send my kids to school, even public school {gasp}, that’s okay.

Do you know why that’s okay?

The honest answer is: It’s okay because of God.  I know that might sound super cheesy and just so-Christian and just the right thing to say, but stay with me here.  This whole time, my entire life, even, at times, in my walk with Jesus, I have been trying to please men.  Not literally men, but people and people’s standards are always changing and are different than God’s standards.

Galatians 1:10 says “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”  I think I have spent most of my life trying to win the approval of so many different people and it is honestly too hard to keep up.  Sometimes I find myself crying.  Sometimes I find myself curled up in my bed thinking about how I suck at life and I should just run away, and my kids would be better off without me, and I’m killing them anyway because we don’t eat organic and I can’t even keep my house clean, what on earth is my problem!?

And the answer is that my problem really is on earth.  I keep searching for my value in all of these earthly ideals and every time it doesn’t satisfy or I don’t make the cut, I berate myself and do you know where that comes from?  The enemy.  The enemy had me so believing for so long that I wasn’t okay that even now it is scary and difficult for me to believe it.

I am okay.  You are okay.  And if you still don’t believe me, here’s the proof in the pudding (actually, in Micah 6:8):

“And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.”

Oh and you know what else?  God also said this: “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 2:9).

What good news to hear!  God doesn’t care so much about all these things that I have deemed so important.  He just wants me to act justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly with him.  His grace is enough for even me,  and when I fail, in those places where I just don’t quite meet the “standard”, he says that his power will be made perfect (meaning, he’ll be able to really shine).  And honestly, hasn’t God used a lot people who just weren’t quite good enough (Moses, a murderer who also wasn’t a very eloquent speaker; David, also a murderer and an adulterer; Jonah, who kept running away from God, too scared to go into Ninevah; all the apostles, who weren’t technically “good enough” in their culture to have already been called by Rabbis).

I feel so very free right now.  My heart is dancing.  I feel a bursting from within, wanting to shout it out from the Calgary Tower (probably more people would hear than if I shouted from a mountain) that there is no law, no impossible expectations from God, he just wants to love us and us to love him and love others too.   God is the standard and we just have to come to him, we don’t have to bend and shape ourselves to try and make ourselves fit.  If we come to him, he makes us new and perfect.   We are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and he said we are okay.  Actually, better than that,  he called us “good“.

Happy GOOD Friday!

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3 Comments

Filed under Posts by Chelsey

3 responses to “Why You Are Amazing

  1. Kimberley Bye

    Thank you Chelsey!

  2. Mama

    Preach it sister! And by the way you rock! I love you Chelsey!

  3. Pingback: Weary. | little cups of grace.

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