Category Archives: inspired mama

Happy Launch Anniversary

(A post from Inspired Mama)

One year ago today I launched this blog with the goal of documenting my thoughts on my journey toward intentional motherhood. It was my hope to encourage other mamas around me, and I think it has been a successful year.

There have been times that I have considered shutting this blog down. As recently as yesterday, I have thought: what do I have to say about motherhood? I’m such an amateur. I don’t have any answers! And it’s true, I really don’t.

A year ago when I started this blog, I thought at this point I’d be super mom. I thought I’d have it all together. I thought I’d have super focused days every day, based around spiritual, artistic, and fun experiences for the kids. I think I also honestly thought that I wouldn’t be as sinful, since I’d be focusing so much more on God.

What I have learned this past year is that first of all, I’m not super mom. I just do not have that gene that naturally enables me to do 1000 things at once. I wish I could be, but I am starting to accept the fact that the way I am is okay. I am enough. And more importantly, His grace is enough. There are tons of areas where I fail, but we are all always failing at something, I am always going to be a sinner. I need to accept that fact and I need to accept his forgiveness.

While I had a vague idea in mind of where I would be one year later, here is the main thing I learned about being an intentional mom: being an intentional mom means being intentional about my relationship with my Father. I put so much pressure on myself about doing activities with my kids but the most important and intentional thing I need to do is to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and love my neighbor as myself. Everything else will flow naturally from that.

So here’s to another year of living intentionally. Another year of loving God and loving my kids and even loving myself.

Because I am okay.

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Enough is Enough.

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I see them everywhere.

They are all over the place — other moms.

Moms doing more than me.

They are running successful business, posting amazing blogs daily, having multiple children, cooking organically, homeschooling their children, always speaking patiently, getting up early and constantly seeking the Lord, and they are so in love and have amazing marriages.

At least that’s how it seems.

I start to compile a list in my head of all the things I don’t do well. I let my kids watch too much TV. I spend too much time on my phone. I’m just tired, why don’t I have as much energy? How can they run businesses/homeschool/write amazing blogs/do all the things they do and I can barely even make a good meal for supper?

After going through all the things that I perceive others to be doing I conclude in my head that I need to do more. I need to give up more, I need to be more patient, I need to do more crafts with my kids, I need to make better meals (I can’t believe how unhealthy my kids are!), I need to pray for them more, I need to be living in the moment more, having more fun with them, I need to get up earlier and go to bed later and just do better on less sleep.

If I just do more, I’ll be a better mom, and a better wife, and a better Christian. And everyone will love me a little bit more.

And I die a little inside, thinking of all the things I need to do to be better — the pressure crushing me.

But is that what God really wants from us? Is that all there is to being a good mom and a good Christian, a lengthy and exhausting to-do list of all the things you need to do in order to make it? Whatever happened to simply loving “the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your strength and with all your mind”?

I am constantly finding myself comparing myself to other moms, other Christians, other people. I have always looked to others for what I should be doing. If they are doing more, then there’s something wrong with me. I am failing as a person. I am a disappointment.

I want to quit looking to others, and keep my eyes focused on the Lord. Only He knows what kind of mother he wants me to be for my children. Only He knows what kind of wife he wants me to be for my husband. Only He knows what kind of servant he is creating me to be for Him. And only His opinion matters.

I am choosing not to do more. We should not be doing anything out of guilt or pressure. I am choosing to love more. May I fall deeper and deeper in love with God that my doing is a natural response to our love relationship. May the sacrifices I make for motherhood, for marriage, for life be made cheerfully and joyfully as a natural response to my love for the Lord and for no other reason.

May everything I do in my life be because of my love for the Lord, “not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver“.

And I pray that what I give and what I do may be enough for me, because if it is done out of love, it’s enough for God.

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Spirit-Led Motherhood

I closed my eyes and imagined it, or Him, or whatever it was, I imagined it flowing through my veins.  I imagined it mixing with my blood, moving my limbs, telling me where to go, what move to make next.  Peace washed over me, a peace completely unknown to me before this moment.  I opened my eyes and thought, “Yes, Lord, I want this.  I want your Spirit within me, leading me.”

I walked up to the pastor of the church I had been attending for the last 6 months, the only church I had ever attended, and said, “I want to be baptized.  I want to follow God, I want his Holy Spirit to guide my life.”

 

Source: google.com via Chelsey on Pinterest

 

It hasn’t all been as easy as I had originally imagined.

Some decisions are just tough.

Satan is also quite crafty, confusing me at times.

Sometimes, there’s just so much noise in life, so much happening all at once, and I just can’t hear Him.

When I find myself in those moments of not knowing what to do, those moments of confusion, those moments of utter despair — whether it’s my son’s 8th screaming fit of the day, or not knowing how to answer my 5-year-old’s question about God, or whether it’s me on my knees again, weeping over my sinful behaviour that has hurt my children — it reminds me of how much I truly need Him.  These moments remind me that I am a terrible mother without Him.

Lately, I find myself to be a Martha mother.  I am so consumed by my to-do list — packing the diaper bag, making lunch, cleaning up, laundry, bathing, the list never ends — that I forget to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to what he said.  Somehow, these things become top priority, they must be done, and ultimately, when I go through my day completing many tasks but not praying, not listening, not seeking His Spirit, ultimately I am saying that my to-do list is most important.

The truth is, I cannot complete my to-do list well without sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening.  I cannot be the Mother that I want so desperately to be without sitting at His feet and listening.  I cannot love my children in Spirit without sitting at His feet and listening.

I need the Spirit flowing through my heart, my veins, mixing with my blood, moving my limbs, moving my lips, hugging my children, speaking gently to them.  I need the Spirit to handle through me my 20-month-old’s screaming fit that I don’t know what to do with, to answer my 5-year-old’s hard questions,  to keep me from sinning against my children.  I do not know how to be a Mother, I need his Spirit to guide me.  But I cannot be a Mary mother when I’m rushing around like Martha and forgetting to sit at His feet and listen.

I am so thankful for His grace that picks me up, dusts me off, and allows me to try again.  May I mother in His grace every day.

May I be a Spirit-Lead Mother, every day.  May there be more of Him, and less of me.  More and more of Him each passing day.

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I Am A Terrible Mother

 

I never knew how hard it would be to love them.

To really love them.

To treat them as if they are Christ.

To love them in Spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I didn’t realize that mothers and children are both equally sinful.  I didn’t realize that at times our sins, theirs and mine, would be like rough edges grinding into the other.  I didn’t realize I had so many rough edges.

Sometimes, such ugliness comes out of me as a mother.  I say things and do things that I do not want to do.

Yet, Christ continues to work in me.  He uses my children as a lens for me to see my sin — without them, I may not have even known it was there.  No other experience has brought me to my knees in prayer as much as Motherhood.

Please God, I need patience.

Please God, help me be self-controlled.

Please God, let me be a kind, gentle mother today.

Please God, help me be loving and good in every moment.

Please God, help me be a good mother to my children.

I have seen myself Mother without Christ.   Oh, I am a terrible Mother without Him.  I am selfish.  I yell.  I feel resentment.  I lose my temper.  And when it’s all said and done, I feel awful.  It brings my knees to the floor and tears to my eyes.

Oh, I am a terrible Mother without Him.

Oh, but his grace.  His grace is sufficient for me.  When I am weak, there is more room for God to work through me.  I call on Him, and he works in me.  He works on those rough edges, with love, and forgives me.

May I Mother in His grace today, and every day.

May His power shine through my weakness, as I lean on Him to make me a great Mother.

 

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Fighting Words

It begins with passion and excitement.

A prompting from the Lord; a call to something.  I accept His calling, as I made a decision long ago to live a “yes” life.

Somewhere along the way, Satan wedges himself into my heart.  He plants little seeds, seeds that grow into weeds and choke out the fruit:

“You’re not good enough.

You can’t do it.

Why would anyone listen to you?”

These words freeze me, paralyze me, and I find myself unable to move.

I step down from ministry leader positions, I can’t find the words to write.

I am fighting him with prayer.  Fighting him, so I can walk again.

Praying for confidence in the Lord, for strength, for God to use me, little old me, in whatever way He wants to.

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Book review blog?

Hi friends, I know I haven’t written in a while and book reviews have seemingly taken over! When I started this blog I wanted to write about my journey through motherhood and hopefully offer some encouragement to other moms, or at least a soft place to land. I have been blogging here since January 2010, so almost a year, and I’ve taken an unintentional break to find my voice! I want to write honestly and not just for the sake of having regular posts. So I ask for your grace as I search for my voice on this blog. I think I’m finding it and I hope to have some new posts soon. Thanks for journeying with me.

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Consumed.

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I was eating really healthy for a while. My midwives have recommended that I try to avoid grains and sugars as much as possible to lower my blood sugar levels. I was eating all kinds of healthy food and drinking lots of water and though it was difficult at times, I felt really good! At first I did not find myself desiring these foods, or water, but after a while I did and their sugary replacements just weren’t as appealing.

I went away on vacation for two weeks and was tempted by everything! I also wasn’t cooking for myself, so it was difficult to eat how I would if I were at home. I noticed something too, at first I was tentative about eating grains or sugars, but after a while, I just gave in completely and it was all I wanted. I didn’t eat the fruit or veggies I had brought with me, and wasn’t drinking water anymore.

I am the same way with my relationship with the Lord and my temptation to sin. Sometimes I find myself in places where I know that I should spend time with the Lord, it is good for me, but I just don’t. I find if I let my relationship with Him slip just a little bit, it isn’t long before I’m letting it all go.

For example, one day I might miss my daily prayer and devotional time. Then it becomes easier to miss more days, then it becomes easier to be unloving, worried, indulgent, etc. Do you see this in your own lives?

It seems I have all the time in the world to spend on the internet or doing anything else but spend time with the Lord. I just finished reading “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan and it was a brilliant reminder to me of who God is and why I want my life to be consumed by Him.

I am in a place right now where I am willing to give a lot up for Him, to draw so incredibly closer to Him than I have before. Are you wanting to come along?

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