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Sweet little baby of mine, you are still so mysterious to me in many ways. At this point, we do not even know if you are a boy or a girl. It is strange for me to think back to the days when Eva or Ezra were in my tummy, the days when I did not know them like I do now. I do not know you yet, little one, do not know if you are a boy or a girl, what you will look like, how you will be, but I do know that I love you already and I will love you forever.
Tomorrow we will see you on the screen, see you wiggling and moving, hopefully see whether you are a girl or a boy, and most importantly, hopefully see that you are healthy and growing strong. We will know you a little better after our appointment tomorrow, a little bit of the mystery made clear.
I can’t believe that you and I are already halfway through this pregnancy. How did that happen? You hold a record, wee one, of being the only baby to make me throw up more than once during the pregnancy (three times, actually) and I believe my morning sickness has lasted the longest with you as well. I am way past all of that now and glad to be feeling much better.
I have been trying to eat super healthy and avoid most grains and all refined sugars to keep my blood sugar levels low and hopefully make you a little smaller. I didn’t do so well in the last two weeks, since I was away from home, but I have 20 more weeks to make up for it, right? Not 21 and definitely not 22 weeks, you hear me? Okay maybe 21 would be okay. Maybe. And please be small and make all this mega healthy eating worth it, I’m not asking for much, just around 8lbs would be enough for me. I won’t even get mad if you are 9lbs. 10lbs or over though, and my feelings (and other parts) may be hurt. You seem pretty small already, since I am the smaller than I was with your brother and sister. I’m 20 weeks and I’m still rocking my normal jeans and other clothes, so that’s gotta be a good sign.
Your sister really wants you to be a girl so she can name you Cinderella. Another name she suggested was Rapunzel Ariel. She kind of has a Disney princess theme going on. I guess we will find out tomorrow if her dream will come true (of you being a girl, I don’t think we quite agree on names.)
Anyway, little one who is kicking me like crazy right now, I just wanted to write to you and let you know all about yourself as a fetus. I love you and I am excited to meet you.
You, the last time we saw you.
I’m on the road to Regina right now. Ezra’s looking at a book and Eva is playing with her new umbrella (she has begged for an umbrella for months) and Peter is telling Eva a “Peter Pudge” story. Peter was a really chubby baby and was nicknamed “Peter Pudge” and now all his childhood stories that he tells Eva have the same title.
It’s going to be a long day of driving today. We are dropping the kids off and heading back to Calgary tomorrow. I can’t really believe that this day has come. I can remember the street I was walking down in Tartu last year, walking up the steps to the Kaubamaja and insisting to Peter that I was coming on the youth mission trip: “We’ll just leave the kids in Canada. Ezra will be 16 months by then and they’ll be fine. I’m coming. I’m COMING.”
It hurt my heart to imagine Peter going to Estonia without me and all the teens being in Estonia without me. And now here we are, at the beginning of the trip. Driving the kids to Grandma’s house so we can fly to Estonia with the teens.
I can’t believe it’s already been a year since our last trip. How did that happen? How did we fast forward from that moment in Tartu where I was insisting I was coming and imagining Ezra being 16 months old and now here we are, living out what was in my imagination?
This trip is going to be huge in a lot of ways. My first mission trip was so very formative and life-changing. Being able to share my faith through the platform of LST was so huge for me. I can’t wait to see what happens in the hearts of the teens and also in the hearts of us who are leaders over the next two weeks.
Please pray for our team, for those in Estonia, and for my kiddos and their caretakers. We appreciate it!
In January, you turned 10 months while Auntie Keri, Uncle Alvaro, Malena and Uncle Mark were here visiting. One day, while playing with your sister, she made up a little song for you that went like this: “I so very love my Ezra.” I know you guys will fight someday, (actually, you already do fight over toys!) but I hope you always remember this love that you share for each other. You two really do love each other and it is so sweet. One night, you slept 11 hours in a row and I was very excited that maybe you were ready to give up your 4AM feeding, but then you got a fever for a few days which I thought was teeth but turned out to be an ear infection, and Mommy didn’t want to leave you alone. So now, you are back at the 4AM nursing again, and I’d really love it if you’d give that up already. Please? Okay. You still do the army crawl, but you can definitely pop up quickly onto your knees, you just don’t know what to do after that! You can even get right up on your toes. You have started pulling up on the couch, the coffee table, and you have started climbing the stairs. You are quite pleased with yourself over this! You have another little tooth that is just teasing you, and is almost through but not quite yet! It doesn’t seem to bother you, so that’s nice, but I’m still looking forward to seeing your new smile with 4 teeth across the top. Still just two on the bottom! You started talking a bit and you say “Uh oh!” when you drop something. It started out as “uh uh!” but the other day I heard a very clear, “uh OH!” You also point at everything now and say, “Dat!” likely a result of mommy and daddy pointing at things and saying, “what’s that?” If I ask you, “Where’s Daddy?” or “Where’s sister/Eva?” you look for them and you know who is who. Or if I ask, “Where’s kitty?” If I’m holding you, you look down for Mozart. You still love that silly cat, you smile and giggle at him all the time. Other words include, “mama” and “dada” but it is hard to say when you truly started understanding what they meant when you said them. You also always say a word that sounds just like aitäh in Estonian (which means thank you). So I guess you picked up a little Estonian when you were there :)
I love you little buddy, I can’t believe that your first birthday is approaching. Where did this year go? So glad I have documented it for me and for you.
It was a regular trip to Ikea.
I ate lunch in the cafeteria with Eva and Ezra.
Ezra made a couple older ladies smile when we were in line.
Eva got macaroni and cheese.
She didn’t want to share her coke.
She said I wasn’t a “coke-lover”.
Ezra and I shared pasta.
He chewed with his gums and 2.5 little teeth.
He yelled for more. He made more people smile.
Tonight, I held Ezra and breathed him in as he slept.
I stood at the door and watched Eva sleep.
It was just a regular day, but it was so much more.
now i’m getting sick, what does that add to my previous post?